HeathCo. Dominating the enhanced animal market.

HeathCo. Manufacturing is proud to announce

Enhanced Animals.

Take you pick from our genetically enhanced stock

Mundane: Cow, Chicken, Cat, Pig, Dog…etc

"Black Label" Exotic Animals-Ring-tailed Lemur, Three-Toed Sloth, and American Bald Eagle.

Enhanced Animals:

Flame Retardant- Our patented “Flamestop” Genetic procedure renders the animal resistant to flames up to 400 degrees fahrenheit.

Marsupial Pouch:

We have observed the natural usefulness of the marsupial pouch and have harnessed its power with the new marsupial pouch. If this option is chosen we will graft a vat grown laboratory grade marsupial pouch of your choosing onto the animal.Choose the placement and size with three different convenient pouch sizes.

Fat Package:

We at HeathCo. know how Americans are obsessed with their self-image.. Heathco. is developing genetically engineered obese animals. “Want to make yourself feel better?” Look at you animal and smile because you are thinner than they are.

Designed  for longevity with modified cartilage and bone structure, this animal will give you years of feeling “comparatively thinner.”

Convenience Package:

Gain the ultimate in domestic convenience with this package. This implant couples the utility of a cup holder graft with a remote control pocket. The implant is inexpensive and since it is permanently grafted to the animals flesh and bone the convenience is unparalleled.

Due to Government restrictions on human testing we cannot offer these products for human enhancement yet. However with our recent involvement in Super P.A.C funding we may be able to lobby our way into grafting cupholders and remote caddies into a person near you.

Warning: HeathCo. enhanced animals are genetically engineered and must have HeathCo. brand genetric therapy pills 1000mg. daily. Failure to do so has shown a psychotic break in some animals leading to death and dismemberment of animals or animal owners in some cases. If this has happened to you please refer back to your "Death or Destruction by Enhanced Animals Waiver" that was filled out before being allowed to purchase the animal.  Thank you for choosing HeathCo. for all of your enhanced animal needs.

Honoring Achievments
I would also like to send a special thanks to the Director of Reproductive Services-Adeline
for achieving the HeathCo. excellence award and as with each reward we will say our excellence creed. So in the words of King Osric of Ophir
What daring! What outrageousness! What insolence! What arrogance!... I salute you."

HeathCo. Progress as promised

Dear Shareholder,

We at HeathCo. are proud to report that our first quarter is looking very promising.
The different divisions; R+D, HeathCo Institute, HeathCo. Manufacturing,  of the HeathCo. family  have been really putting in the extra time and effort to create a profitable portfolio. We have several new and exciting changes that are about to kick off in the second quarter of the fiscal year.

First off our illustrious Research and Development, headed by Steeley Pam, has come up with some new ways to think that could really "gamechange" the way people purchase items and see the world.
We at HeathCo. are proud to unveil-New Measurements!
No longer will the consumer be shackled by the English or Metric systems of weight, volume, and distance.
We will liberate them with our new system.

For example
Two liter -vs- HeathCo 1/4 Bathtub

Both are the same amount of liquid but the customer believes that they are getting a deal with the HeathCo.1/4 Bathtub.

Another Example

Foot Long Sandwhich vs-HeathCo 1/2 Bolivia Sandwhich

What is a Bolivia? It is a country..and 1/2 of Bolivia is exactly the same size as the footlong but it sounds much larger than a mere foot.

Example Three

1 Gallon of US gasoline vs 10 Mouthfuls of HeathCo.Gasoline

What a bargain! With a small change in nomenclature you car can get 300 mouthfuls per gallon!

Now you will be the envy of your friends with your high mouthful per mile or MPM.

Ingesting gasoline will lead to death.

The second installment to our trilogy of profitability is the HeathCo. Institute. This Institute of higher learning is where young collegians get their not-so-credited education. Dr. Goat is spearheading a new breed of scholar.  Doctor Goat has spent many years in the study of nonvehicular activities. He is the world’s leading expert in anything pedestrian.

Here is a sample of his course curriculum:TBA Wait for next post for more info.

Ding! Knife acquired

Today I bought  a tool that exemplifies utility. This tool has been around since 600-500 BC. It can be used to clean a freshly hunted animal, open a letter, or defend yourself . This item is the humble pocket knife.

I was inspired by The Art of Manliness website and purchased a pocketknife this afternoon. I haven't had a pocketknife since cub scouts.  I really had no affinity to hunt, fish or camp so my love affair with the pocketknife fell by the wayside.


 To begin I need to remember a few steps to this dance.
1. Whittling Chip- Check

2. First aid kit- Check                        


3. Useable applications
    
    Endless.


Do you have a favorite pocketknife story?
Comment and tell me something nostalgic.

HeathCo. Industries

Due to popular demand. The HeathCo. Products Library will unveil new inventions every Monday.
So without further adieu:


Xbox 360:Kinect: Body Cavity Explorer Corps.
1.  Xbox Kinect

2. TSA Agent

Have you ever asked yourself " man I wish i could defeat terrorism," but didn't have any idea how?
HeathCo. is proud to present-Xbox 360 Kinect: Body Cavity Explorer Corps

Defend freedom in full HD1080P against America's enemies foreign or domestic.
Show the terrorist you mean business. Choose from Career mode or Temp as you go through hours of simulated pat downs and voice commands. Play against people online or at home in Coop mode.
Have an authority complex?  Be the authority. Get your hands on a copy today.

Do you have a better idea? The HeathCo. Engineers would love to co-opt your idea and make it their own.

Market Update-
HeathCo. Stock has gone up .0000002 cents
I would like to Thank the Heathco. Engineering family
Steeley Pam
--Market  Research/Animal Testing
Dr. Goat MD.
--Nonvehicular activities
For their contribution to the HeathCo. label.

Comment....

Take a knee.

Today I want to discuss a subject that is near and dear to my heart.
Perseverance.  This subject takes many forms and facets I will attempt to explain some of these things. So to quote Deckard Cain "Stay a while and listen."

If no one has told you, allow me to be the first to say "life isn't fair"
That statement seems simple enough right?  Sadly a lot of people believe that there is some inherent fairness in life. It just isn't so.  So what does a man/woman do when faced with a world whose whims can squash us flat. We put on our big boy/girl pants and push back.

There are at least three helful things that can help us get through the meatgrinder that is life in America.
1. Planning
2. Fortitude
3. Drive

I believe that planning is one of the most important things that people forget about in their daily lives.
Putting things on paper and working toward achievable goals can take help take someone from paycheck to paycheck to being able to not have to worry about daily expenses.
Here are some planning links that have been helpful to me:
http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2009/04/07/create-your-life-plan/
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself
http://www.wikihow.com/Use-Faith

Every one of these links are broad stroked ideas and steps.
I am a devout Southern Baptist. I do believe Jesus Christ died for my sins. If you want more information about it. Post or email me.


The second thing on the list is fortitude. Yes fortitude.  The all inclusive thing usually drawn up as courage.
Things in life seldom go as planned, sometimes we have to accept things that we wish didn't happen. In these times we need to have the ability to keep going. This fortitude can be physical but more often, in modern America, they are mental/spiritual issues that can be very distressing.  People need to find the inner reserve to push on. Life is not fun sometimes.

The third thing on the list is drive. You are not entitled to anything in this world. You as an individual must go out and get it. No one owes you anything. Our younger generations, including mine, have grown lazy, arrogant, unready and unwilling to do what needs to be done. Instead  we have the "take you ball and go home syndrome" All of us want nicer clothes, cars. etc.. but do not want to work for it.
Generations before worked and prospered because they where making life better for themselves and thier family. Nowadays we already have the things that our parents worked hard for and EXPECT the world to give us more.  Our generations have not had a "Great Depression" or a World War to mold us or make us thankful.

Man up. It is time to grow up. We are a nation of soft man-children who balk at responsibility and shirk duty.  We need to claim our greatness. We need to persevere.

To quote Theodore Roosevelt ""Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led diffcult lives and led them well."

HeathCo. Presents

Due to popular demand, I have a few more items standalone items that combined create more fine products for the HeathCo label.

 MethenHagen (Premium Brand) or Meth Seal (Economy)
1. Crystal Meth









2. Smokeless Tobacco

HeathCo is proud to unveil its "Foreman's Friend" line of smokeless tobacco.
Need a worker to drywall for 34 hours straight? Need a worker to see in the dark? Pick up a roll of Methenhagen or for the cost conscious we have Meth Seal. Full sized flavor at 1/2 the price.

Due to recent "legal issues" we have to withdraw our second annual "Meth the Halls" Christmas sweepstakes. Apparently a Christmas Star made of pure crystal meth is not viable "legal" prize.


HeathCo. Lawn Darts.
1. Lawn Darts

2. Rockets

With Heathco's strong ties with Hamas and radical Islam we have begun to offer a new product for the suburban home. Let your kids play with something amazing. HeathCo brand lawn darts.

As per government guidelines all boxes will clearly be marked with the following.

Consumer: Remember that warnings are just suggested guidelines and not the law.. So please look for HeathCo. brand for all of your product needs.  Like Yup I think its butter? or the Mr. Potato do-it-yourself Nosejob Kit...pat pend.

If you have a better idea Comment. Heathco. representative are standing by.

HeathCo. Customer Service

Untapped Market Potential

As an entrepenuer I believe that there is some untapped market potential in the established marketplace. I have several ideas that may have been overlooked.

McSlurry-
Here is a picture of two previously stand alone items:
1. Galvanized Metal Bucket

2. McDonald's Chicken Nugget Slurry

Put them both together and you have a take-home product that could feed the whole family.

This could catch those working moms coming home "too-tired" to fix a home cooked meal.

The 5 gallon galvanized pale could be sealed and ready.
All you need to prep for a dinner of McSlurry:
1. Cement Trowel
2. Baking Pan
3. Oven.

In 20 minutes you will have a cookie sheet of Mcmeat piping hot and ready to go.
Remember that galvanized steel is resistant to rust. Follow proper cooking directions to prevent tetanus or other rust related diseases.

For an added zip use various cookie or playdough presses to turn a boring dinner into a festival. Need a different protein? Mcmeat can take the form of steak, chicken, or pork with the Essentials McSlurry Press---Sold seperately 25.00 MSRP

McSlurry Wonderland Playset

Look for it in your grocer's freezer.

Paula Dean's Ooey Gooey Lemon Butter Insulin.
1. Insulin-













2. Paula Deen's Oooey Gooey Lemon Butter Cake

Here's Paula's original recipe.

Cake:
• 1 (18 1/4-ounce) package yellow cake mix
• 1 egg
• 8 tablespoons butter, melted

Filling:
• 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 3 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 8 tablespoons butter, melted
• 1 (16-ounce) box powdered sugar


This last week Paula Deen made public that she has diabetes.
To synergize with this momentum I am pitching a new product aimed at the faithful Paula Deen followers. Paula Deen's Oooey Gooey Lemon Butter Insulin. This product has all the ingredients of a lemon butter cake plus insulin. It debutes in Wal-Mart's nationwide in your grocers freezer next to the instant biscuits.
 

Taste you can feel on the inside

Right now Heathco employees are busyworking on better and bigger combinations. If you have any suggestions. Post. Lets discuss the future of Heathco.