HeathCo. Presents

Due to popular demand, I have a few more items standalone items that combined create more fine products for the HeathCo label.

 MethenHagen (Premium Brand) or Meth Seal (Economy)
1. Crystal Meth









2. Smokeless Tobacco

HeathCo is proud to unveil its "Foreman's Friend" line of smokeless tobacco.
Need a worker to drywall for 34 hours straight? Need a worker to see in the dark? Pick up a roll of Methenhagen or for the cost conscious we have Meth Seal. Full sized flavor at 1/2 the price.

Due to recent "legal issues" we have to withdraw our second annual "Meth the Halls" Christmas sweepstakes. Apparently a Christmas Star made of pure crystal meth is not viable "legal" prize.


HeathCo. Lawn Darts.
1. Lawn Darts

2. Rockets

With Heathco's strong ties with Hamas and radical Islam we have begun to offer a new product for the suburban home. Let your kids play with something amazing. HeathCo brand lawn darts.

As per government guidelines all boxes will clearly be marked with the following.

Consumer: Remember that warnings are just suggested guidelines and not the law.. So please look for HeathCo. brand for all of your product needs.  Like Yup I think its butter? or the Mr. Potato do-it-yourself Nosejob Kit...pat pend.

If you have a better idea Comment. Heathco. representative are standing by.

HeathCo. Customer Service

Untapped Market Potential

As an entrepenuer I believe that there is some untapped market potential in the established marketplace. I have several ideas that may have been overlooked.

McSlurry-
Here is a picture of two previously stand alone items:
1. Galvanized Metal Bucket

2. McDonald's Chicken Nugget Slurry

Put them both together and you have a take-home product that could feed the whole family.

This could catch those working moms coming home "too-tired" to fix a home cooked meal.

The 5 gallon galvanized pale could be sealed and ready.
All you need to prep for a dinner of McSlurry:
1. Cement Trowel
2. Baking Pan
3. Oven.

In 20 minutes you will have a cookie sheet of Mcmeat piping hot and ready to go.
Remember that galvanized steel is resistant to rust. Follow proper cooking directions to prevent tetanus or other rust related diseases.

For an added zip use various cookie or playdough presses to turn a boring dinner into a festival. Need a different protein? Mcmeat can take the form of steak, chicken, or pork with the Essentials McSlurry Press---Sold seperately 25.00 MSRP

McSlurry Wonderland Playset

Look for it in your grocer's freezer.

Paula Dean's Ooey Gooey Lemon Butter Insulin.
1. Insulin-













2. Paula Deen's Oooey Gooey Lemon Butter Cake

Here's Paula's original recipe.

Cake:
• 1 (18 1/4-ounce) package yellow cake mix
• 1 egg
• 8 tablespoons butter, melted

Filling:
• 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 3 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 8 tablespoons butter, melted
• 1 (16-ounce) box powdered sugar


This last week Paula Deen made public that she has diabetes.
To synergize with this momentum I am pitching a new product aimed at the faithful Paula Deen followers. Paula Deen's Oooey Gooey Lemon Butter Insulin. This product has all the ingredients of a lemon butter cake plus insulin. It debutes in Wal-Mart's nationwide in your grocers freezer next to the instant biscuits.
 

Taste you can feel on the inside

Right now Heathco employees are busyworking on better and bigger combinations. If you have any suggestions. Post. Lets discuss the future of Heathco.

You are what you eat.

Hello everyone. Today I will be expounding on a subject near and dear to my heart, today we will discuss eating. Most of the people checking out this blog have had the dubious honor of supping with me at one time or another. I am a man of large appetites. That being said I have a few things to say about eating in general and the difference between carnivores, omnivores and herbivores.

Okay so lets get to the meat of the subject and discuss carnivores. The classic slogan from the Wizard of Oz comes to mind "Lions and Tigers and Bears...Oh My!"



Thugged out meat-eating critters













 The discovery channel estimates that 40% of all animals are carnivorous in the world.  This means that a large percentage of animals would try and eat you if they could. So eat them first ask questions later.

The second group of animals that eats everything in their path is the omnivore. Humans beings have the dubious honor of being the apex predator when it comes to our ominivorous talents.

No animal or vegetation is safe when it comes to the human being. With our ability to make tools and equipment to take care of any edible threat. For example:

Disgruntled Bear + Hunting Rifle= Disgruntled Bear on Wall
Disgruntled Wheat+ Combine = Disgruntled grain for disgruntled bread.

Discarded animal parts+"spices"+grinding machine= Hotdogs

( I am being very liberal with the word disgruntled- but I think that it is very descriptive of anything that is going to be killed to be eaten. I would be very anti-gruntled if I was being hunted and  made into steaks or bread anything else that sounds delicious.)

Most of the regular American population fall into this category. We eat whatever is at hand. We may have like and dislikes but we eat just about anything that is shoved in front of our faces.

The last group we will talk about it the Herbivore. These creatures eat only plants. No meat is needed to sate these animals. Some human beings have been known to take this route by choice. I find this to be contradictive to our natural tendency to as humans to consume everthying that we can see, touch ,feel, taste...etc..

I believe that there are definitive health benefits to eating more plants and less meat in our diet. I believe that animals do this because they are adapted for it. I believe that we, as humans, do it as a choice or necessity. I believe that any person in a post industrial society does this by choice and not by need.


We discussed a few things in this post. What do you think?
Which category do you fit in?
Comment  and we will discuss pros and cons.











Showmanship

Today we will explore the pomp and splendor of yesteryear. This is a fabled time when America ruled the industrial and economic world and we KNEW it.
Lets take a walk down memory lane and see what excess was truly about.

1976 Cadillac Eldorado
500 Cu. Inch 8.2 Liter V8
Average MPG:7
Fuel Tank:27.5 Gallons

HP: 205 at 400lbs foot torque

Curb Weight:4000lbs

Car length:18.6Ft.

Cattle slaughtered to cover couch-sized leather seats:24.3

This example of excess was an extremely pronounced vehicle in 1976. This was one of the last large luxury vehicles produced before the gas shortages in 1979. 

This car was large.The average car today is about  13ft long on average, the caddy measures out at 18.6ft just one foot short of a Bradley fighting vehicle. Here are some examples of 18ft things that you may see from day to day:



Pontoon Boats



Giant Inflatable Mascot Tunnels



Medieval Siege Engines



Delivery Trucks



 

This vehicle was the kind of vehicle a man would drive to be seen and heard and gloated over.

It was luxurious and expensive with every option you could ever imagine at the time. It stickered at 13,246 fully loaded. Which in todays dollars is 50,000 dollars for the same item today! Escalade be damned.

Gas consumption for a 500 cubic inch 8.2 liter engine is ridiculous.

Today to fill the tank it would cost you 82.77 dollars. This tank would get you 220 miles before refueling.

I have a picture of a vehicle with worst fuel consumption than the El Dorado.

So Americans. Lets Do it right old school. I challenge you all to some excessive ideas. Email me or post a comment on other awesome American excesses in history.

Like a sweating problem caused by overeating.

Happy Friday People

Luckiest Man

I have plenty of things to be thankful for in this life. I sometimes brave the rapids of self-doubt and apathy to find that little bit of truth I hid beneath the pain that life brings. In these melancholy times I get to counting the cost of my own transgression and whether I should or shouldn't put them down .

Jesus Christ redeemed me 2-1/2 years ago yet I still hold grudges like a badge of courage for all the world to see. I often get morose and angry for no real apparent reason and fight when I should just let things go.

In these times I need to seek the word of the Lord and the peace that he can only bring.
Sometimes I take my own advice, sometimes I fail and let my inner-demons run rampant.

It is ultimately my choice to follow or do as I wish
Thank you Lord for giving me that choice. 

Developing new content is very unpleasant. As of now I would fail the Arnold Schwarzenegger presidential literary fitness challenge.

--------------->Steriods don't inhibit your ability to read or write...unless you break your pencil because of your chemically induced strength.





There are definitely steps in growing your aptitude toward putting words to page.
Step 1. Read... a lot.
Every person should take the time to put in some serious book consumption into their diet. Start out easy with some Green eggs and Ham, Some Hop on Pop. After this becomes easy. Take a literary leap into directly into Raybradbury:Fahrenheit 451 and Stephen Crane:Red Badge of Courage.
Then after a decent reading workout take on the classics: The Odyssey and The Iliad of Homer, The Art of War by Sun Tzu, and Plato's Republic.. This literary jog will have shaped up to actually turn a phrase and ponder a sentence properly.

Step 2. Understand your limitations.
As a writer I am not going to expound on things I know nothing about (or at least sound like I know nothing about.) I know that pound for pound Paula Dean could smash my literary face into the wall with her knowledge of butter. I love the stuff but I do not add it to my iced tea.

Step 3. Have fun.
I love the idea of putting thoughts to paper. I also like being able to make people laugh. If I can do both I call that a twofer!.

Extra Credit....READ A BOOK.

Brother can you spare a dime?

The header of this post is a title of a song written in 1931 by lyricist E. Y. "Yip" Harburg and composer Jay Gorney. I love this song because it shows the human condition of living in this world. It reminds us that even though we may have moved mountains and created worlds with our hands, we are still vunerable. Everyone has had a point in our live's when we are down on our luck and lost.

I think our nation has the same issues. We have forged mighty momuments and achievements:The Hoover Dam, The space program and spray-on hair. When in the heck did we decide to stop moving forward? We are a nation of innovators and doers whose ingenuity knew no bounds, but what about today......

Today we have stagnated, forced ourselves into a cage we built by tethering capitalism and creating false markets. We began a game within a game betting against ourselves. Who loses.... We lose.

There is a silver lining. We can become more aware as Americans and look into what our money goes into funding. Then use our collective common sense to run them out of business.

Action starts with you..and me... Together we can change this situation....back to a pleasant more fruitful future.

Today is friday the 13th.
I am sitting at my cubicle working intermittently on whatever sales order or call comes across my desk.
As the time slowly creeps by I keep wondering when Jason Vorhees is going to come and attack. There have been mathematically 1.8 friday the 13ths per year so I have survived 57.6 of them in my life.
I figure that he must have some bigger fish to fry or maybe he isn't real like a truthful senator or Kwanza.

Namesake and outlook

Hello,
My name is Heath Sutherland AKA BigNasticus and with this post I shall christen the maiden voyage of forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit" or "Perhaps, someday it will be enjoyable to remember even this." if you need it in non-latin.

This blog is intended as a pressure release of sorts. Hopefully this one will work better than the pressure relief valves on the Gulf Coast.