HeathCo. Dominating the enhanced animal market.

HeathCo. Manufacturing is proud to announce

Enhanced Animals.

Take you pick from our genetically enhanced stock

Mundane: Cow, Chicken, Cat, Pig, Dog…etc

"Black Label" Exotic Animals-Ring-tailed Lemur, Three-Toed Sloth, and American Bald Eagle.

Enhanced Animals:

Flame Retardant- Our patented “Flamestop” Genetic procedure renders the animal resistant to flames up to 400 degrees fahrenheit.

Marsupial Pouch:

We have observed the natural usefulness of the marsupial pouch and have harnessed its power with the new marsupial pouch. If this option is chosen we will graft a vat grown laboratory grade marsupial pouch of your choosing onto the animal.Choose the placement and size with three different convenient pouch sizes.

Fat Package:

We at HeathCo. know how Americans are obsessed with their self-image.. Heathco. is developing genetically engineered obese animals. “Want to make yourself feel better?” Look at you animal and smile because you are thinner than they are.

Designed  for longevity with modified cartilage and bone structure, this animal will give you years of feeling “comparatively thinner.”

Convenience Package:

Gain the ultimate in domestic convenience with this package. This implant couples the utility of a cup holder graft with a remote control pocket. The implant is inexpensive and since it is permanently grafted to the animals flesh and bone the convenience is unparalleled.

Due to Government restrictions on human testing we cannot offer these products for human enhancement yet. However with our recent involvement in Super P.A.C funding we may be able to lobby our way into grafting cupholders and remote caddies into a person near you.

Warning: HeathCo. enhanced animals are genetically engineered and must have HeathCo. brand genetric therapy pills 1000mg. daily. Failure to do so has shown a psychotic break in some animals leading to death and dismemberment of animals or animal owners in some cases. If this has happened to you please refer back to your "Death or Destruction by Enhanced Animals Waiver" that was filled out before being allowed to purchase the animal.  Thank you for choosing HeathCo. for all of your enhanced animal needs.

Honoring Achievments
I would also like to send a special thanks to the Director of Reproductive Services-Adeline
for achieving the HeathCo. excellence award and as with each reward we will say our excellence creed. So in the words of King Osric of Ophir
What daring! What outrageousness! What insolence! What arrogance!... I salute you."

HeathCo. Progress as promised

Dear Shareholder,

We at HeathCo. are proud to report that our first quarter is looking very promising.
The different divisions; R+D, HeathCo Institute, HeathCo. Manufacturing,  of the HeathCo. family  have been really putting in the extra time and effort to create a profitable portfolio. We have several new and exciting changes that are about to kick off in the second quarter of the fiscal year.

First off our illustrious Research and Development, headed by Steeley Pam, has come up with some new ways to think that could really "gamechange" the way people purchase items and see the world.
We at HeathCo. are proud to unveil-New Measurements!
No longer will the consumer be shackled by the English or Metric systems of weight, volume, and distance.
We will liberate them with our new system.

For example
Two liter -vs- HeathCo 1/4 Bathtub

Both are the same amount of liquid but the customer believes that they are getting a deal with the HeathCo.1/4 Bathtub.

Another Example

Foot Long Sandwhich vs-HeathCo 1/2 Bolivia Sandwhich

What is a Bolivia? It is a country..and 1/2 of Bolivia is exactly the same size as the footlong but it sounds much larger than a mere foot.

Example Three

1 Gallon of US gasoline vs 10 Mouthfuls of HeathCo.Gasoline

What a bargain! With a small change in nomenclature you car can get 300 mouthfuls per gallon!

Now you will be the envy of your friends with your high mouthful per mile or MPM.

Ingesting gasoline will lead to death.

The second installment to our trilogy of profitability is the HeathCo. Institute. This Institute of higher learning is where young collegians get their not-so-credited education. Dr. Goat is spearheading a new breed of scholar.  Doctor Goat has spent many years in the study of nonvehicular activities. He is the world’s leading expert in anything pedestrian.

Here is a sample of his course curriculum:TBA Wait for next post for more info.

Ding! Knife acquired

Today I bought  a tool that exemplifies utility. This tool has been around since 600-500 BC. It can be used to clean a freshly hunted animal, open a letter, or defend yourself . This item is the humble pocket knife.

I was inspired by The Art of Manliness website and purchased a pocketknife this afternoon. I haven't had a pocketknife since cub scouts.  I really had no affinity to hunt, fish or camp so my love affair with the pocketknife fell by the wayside.


 To begin I need to remember a few steps to this dance.
1. Whittling Chip- Check

2. First aid kit- Check                        


3. Useable applications
    
    Endless.


Do you have a favorite pocketknife story?
Comment and tell me something nostalgic.

HeathCo. Industries

Due to popular demand. The HeathCo. Products Library will unveil new inventions every Monday.
So without further adieu:


Xbox 360:Kinect: Body Cavity Explorer Corps.
1.  Xbox Kinect

2. TSA Agent

Have you ever asked yourself " man I wish i could defeat terrorism," but didn't have any idea how?
HeathCo. is proud to present-Xbox 360 Kinect: Body Cavity Explorer Corps

Defend freedom in full HD1080P against America's enemies foreign or domestic.
Show the terrorist you mean business. Choose from Career mode or Temp as you go through hours of simulated pat downs and voice commands. Play against people online or at home in Coop mode.
Have an authority complex?  Be the authority. Get your hands on a copy today.

Do you have a better idea? The HeathCo. Engineers would love to co-opt your idea and make it their own.

Market Update-
HeathCo. Stock has gone up .0000002 cents
I would like to Thank the Heathco. Engineering family
Steeley Pam
--Market  Research/Animal Testing
Dr. Goat MD.
--Nonvehicular activities
For their contribution to the HeathCo. label.

Comment....

Take a knee.

Today I want to discuss a subject that is near and dear to my heart.
Perseverance.  This subject takes many forms and facets I will attempt to explain some of these things. So to quote Deckard Cain "Stay a while and listen."

If no one has told you, allow me to be the first to say "life isn't fair"
That statement seems simple enough right?  Sadly a lot of people believe that there is some inherent fairness in life. It just isn't so.  So what does a man/woman do when faced with a world whose whims can squash us flat. We put on our big boy/girl pants and push back.

There are at least three helful things that can help us get through the meatgrinder that is life in America.
1. Planning
2. Fortitude
3. Drive

I believe that planning is one of the most important things that people forget about in their daily lives.
Putting things on paper and working toward achievable goals can take help take someone from paycheck to paycheck to being able to not have to worry about daily expenses.
Here are some planning links that have been helpful to me:
http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2009/04/07/create-your-life-plan/
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself
http://www.wikihow.com/Use-Faith

Every one of these links are broad stroked ideas and steps.
I am a devout Southern Baptist. I do believe Jesus Christ died for my sins. If you want more information about it. Post or email me.


The second thing on the list is fortitude. Yes fortitude.  The all inclusive thing usually drawn up as courage.
Things in life seldom go as planned, sometimes we have to accept things that we wish didn't happen. In these times we need to have the ability to keep going. This fortitude can be physical but more often, in modern America, they are mental/spiritual issues that can be very distressing.  People need to find the inner reserve to push on. Life is not fun sometimes.

The third thing on the list is drive. You are not entitled to anything in this world. You as an individual must go out and get it. No one owes you anything. Our younger generations, including mine, have grown lazy, arrogant, unready and unwilling to do what needs to be done. Instead  we have the "take you ball and go home syndrome" All of us want nicer clothes, cars. etc.. but do not want to work for it.
Generations before worked and prospered because they where making life better for themselves and thier family. Nowadays we already have the things that our parents worked hard for and EXPECT the world to give us more.  Our generations have not had a "Great Depression" or a World War to mold us or make us thankful.

Man up. It is time to grow up. We are a nation of soft man-children who balk at responsibility and shirk duty.  We need to claim our greatness. We need to persevere.

To quote Theodore Roosevelt ""Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led diffcult lives and led them well."

HeathCo. Presents

Due to popular demand, I have a few more items standalone items that combined create more fine products for the HeathCo label.

 MethenHagen (Premium Brand) or Meth Seal (Economy)
1. Crystal Meth









2. Smokeless Tobacco

HeathCo is proud to unveil its "Foreman's Friend" line of smokeless tobacco.
Need a worker to drywall for 34 hours straight? Need a worker to see in the dark? Pick up a roll of Methenhagen or for the cost conscious we have Meth Seal. Full sized flavor at 1/2 the price.

Due to recent "legal issues" we have to withdraw our second annual "Meth the Halls" Christmas sweepstakes. Apparently a Christmas Star made of pure crystal meth is not viable "legal" prize.


HeathCo. Lawn Darts.
1. Lawn Darts

2. Rockets

With Heathco's strong ties with Hamas and radical Islam we have begun to offer a new product for the suburban home. Let your kids play with something amazing. HeathCo brand lawn darts.

As per government guidelines all boxes will clearly be marked with the following.

Consumer: Remember that warnings are just suggested guidelines and not the law.. So please look for HeathCo. brand for all of your product needs.  Like Yup I think its butter? or the Mr. Potato do-it-yourself Nosejob Kit...pat pend.

If you have a better idea Comment. Heathco. representative are standing by.

HeathCo. Customer Service

Untapped Market Potential

As an entrepenuer I believe that there is some untapped market potential in the established marketplace. I have several ideas that may have been overlooked.

McSlurry-
Here is a picture of two previously stand alone items:
1. Galvanized Metal Bucket

2. McDonald's Chicken Nugget Slurry

Put them both together and you have a take-home product that could feed the whole family.

This could catch those working moms coming home "too-tired" to fix a home cooked meal.

The 5 gallon galvanized pale could be sealed and ready.
All you need to prep for a dinner of McSlurry:
1. Cement Trowel
2. Baking Pan
3. Oven.

In 20 minutes you will have a cookie sheet of Mcmeat piping hot and ready to go.
Remember that galvanized steel is resistant to rust. Follow proper cooking directions to prevent tetanus or other rust related diseases.

For an added zip use various cookie or playdough presses to turn a boring dinner into a festival. Need a different protein? Mcmeat can take the form of steak, chicken, or pork with the Essentials McSlurry Press---Sold seperately 25.00 MSRP

McSlurry Wonderland Playset

Look for it in your grocer's freezer.

Paula Dean's Ooey Gooey Lemon Butter Insulin.
1. Insulin-













2. Paula Deen's Oooey Gooey Lemon Butter Cake

Here's Paula's original recipe.

Cake:
• 1 (18 1/4-ounce) package yellow cake mix
• 1 egg
• 8 tablespoons butter, melted

Filling:
• 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 3 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 8 tablespoons butter, melted
• 1 (16-ounce) box powdered sugar


This last week Paula Deen made public that she has diabetes.
To synergize with this momentum I am pitching a new product aimed at the faithful Paula Deen followers. Paula Deen's Oooey Gooey Lemon Butter Insulin. This product has all the ingredients of a lemon butter cake plus insulin. It debutes in Wal-Mart's nationwide in your grocers freezer next to the instant biscuits.
 

Taste you can feel on the inside

Right now Heathco employees are busyworking on better and bigger combinations. If you have any suggestions. Post. Lets discuss the future of Heathco.

You are what you eat.

Hello everyone. Today I will be expounding on a subject near and dear to my heart, today we will discuss eating. Most of the people checking out this blog have had the dubious honor of supping with me at one time or another. I am a man of large appetites. That being said I have a few things to say about eating in general and the difference between carnivores, omnivores and herbivores.

Okay so lets get to the meat of the subject and discuss carnivores. The classic slogan from the Wizard of Oz comes to mind "Lions and Tigers and Bears...Oh My!"



Thugged out meat-eating critters













 The discovery channel estimates that 40% of all animals are carnivorous in the world.  This means that a large percentage of animals would try and eat you if they could. So eat them first ask questions later.

The second group of animals that eats everything in their path is the omnivore. Humans beings have the dubious honor of being the apex predator when it comes to our ominivorous talents.

No animal or vegetation is safe when it comes to the human being. With our ability to make tools and equipment to take care of any edible threat. For example:

Disgruntled Bear + Hunting Rifle= Disgruntled Bear on Wall
Disgruntled Wheat+ Combine = Disgruntled grain for disgruntled bread.

Discarded animal parts+"spices"+grinding machine= Hotdogs

( I am being very liberal with the word disgruntled- but I think that it is very descriptive of anything that is going to be killed to be eaten. I would be very anti-gruntled if I was being hunted and  made into steaks or bread anything else that sounds delicious.)

Most of the regular American population fall into this category. We eat whatever is at hand. We may have like and dislikes but we eat just about anything that is shoved in front of our faces.

The last group we will talk about it the Herbivore. These creatures eat only plants. No meat is needed to sate these animals. Some human beings have been known to take this route by choice. I find this to be contradictive to our natural tendency to as humans to consume everthying that we can see, touch ,feel, taste...etc..

I believe that there are definitive health benefits to eating more plants and less meat in our diet. I believe that animals do this because they are adapted for it. I believe that we, as humans, do it as a choice or necessity. I believe that any person in a post industrial society does this by choice and not by need.


We discussed a few things in this post. What do you think?
Which category do you fit in?
Comment  and we will discuss pros and cons.











Showmanship

Today we will explore the pomp and splendor of yesteryear. This is a fabled time when America ruled the industrial and economic world and we KNEW it.
Lets take a walk down memory lane and see what excess was truly about.

1976 Cadillac Eldorado
500 Cu. Inch 8.2 Liter V8
Average MPG:7
Fuel Tank:27.5 Gallons

HP: 205 at 400lbs foot torque

Curb Weight:4000lbs

Car length:18.6Ft.

Cattle slaughtered to cover couch-sized leather seats:24.3

This example of excess was an extremely pronounced vehicle in 1976. This was one of the last large luxury vehicles produced before the gas shortages in 1979. 

This car was large.The average car today is about  13ft long on average, the caddy measures out at 18.6ft just one foot short of a Bradley fighting vehicle. Here are some examples of 18ft things that you may see from day to day:



Pontoon Boats



Giant Inflatable Mascot Tunnels



Medieval Siege Engines



Delivery Trucks



 

This vehicle was the kind of vehicle a man would drive to be seen and heard and gloated over.

It was luxurious and expensive with every option you could ever imagine at the time. It stickered at 13,246 fully loaded. Which in todays dollars is 50,000 dollars for the same item today! Escalade be damned.

Gas consumption for a 500 cubic inch 8.2 liter engine is ridiculous.

Today to fill the tank it would cost you 82.77 dollars. This tank would get you 220 miles before refueling.

I have a picture of a vehicle with worst fuel consumption than the El Dorado.

So Americans. Lets Do it right old school. I challenge you all to some excessive ideas. Email me or post a comment on other awesome American excesses in history.

Like a sweating problem caused by overeating.

Happy Friday People

Luckiest Man

I have plenty of things to be thankful for in this life. I sometimes brave the rapids of self-doubt and apathy to find that little bit of truth I hid beneath the pain that life brings. In these melancholy times I get to counting the cost of my own transgression and whether I should or shouldn't put them down .

Jesus Christ redeemed me 2-1/2 years ago yet I still hold grudges like a badge of courage for all the world to see. I often get morose and angry for no real apparent reason and fight when I should just let things go.

In these times I need to seek the word of the Lord and the peace that he can only bring.
Sometimes I take my own advice, sometimes I fail and let my inner-demons run rampant.

It is ultimately my choice to follow or do as I wish
Thank you Lord for giving me that choice. 

Developing new content is very unpleasant. As of now I would fail the Arnold Schwarzenegger presidential literary fitness challenge.

--------------->Steriods don't inhibit your ability to read or write...unless you break your pencil because of your chemically induced strength.





There are definitely steps in growing your aptitude toward putting words to page.
Step 1. Read... a lot.
Every person should take the time to put in some serious book consumption into their diet. Start out easy with some Green eggs and Ham, Some Hop on Pop. After this becomes easy. Take a literary leap into directly into Raybradbury:Fahrenheit 451 and Stephen Crane:Red Badge of Courage.
Then after a decent reading workout take on the classics: The Odyssey and The Iliad of Homer, The Art of War by Sun Tzu, and Plato's Republic.. This literary jog will have shaped up to actually turn a phrase and ponder a sentence properly.

Step 2. Understand your limitations.
As a writer I am not going to expound on things I know nothing about (or at least sound like I know nothing about.) I know that pound for pound Paula Dean could smash my literary face into the wall with her knowledge of butter. I love the stuff but I do not add it to my iced tea.

Step 3. Have fun.
I love the idea of putting thoughts to paper. I also like being able to make people laugh. If I can do both I call that a twofer!.

Extra Credit....READ A BOOK.

Brother can you spare a dime?

The header of this post is a title of a song written in 1931 by lyricist E. Y. "Yip" Harburg and composer Jay Gorney. I love this song because it shows the human condition of living in this world. It reminds us that even though we may have moved mountains and created worlds with our hands, we are still vunerable. Everyone has had a point in our live's when we are down on our luck and lost.

I think our nation has the same issues. We have forged mighty momuments and achievements:The Hoover Dam, The space program and spray-on hair. When in the heck did we decide to stop moving forward? We are a nation of innovators and doers whose ingenuity knew no bounds, but what about today......

Today we have stagnated, forced ourselves into a cage we built by tethering capitalism and creating false markets. We began a game within a game betting against ourselves. Who loses.... We lose.

There is a silver lining. We can become more aware as Americans and look into what our money goes into funding. Then use our collective common sense to run them out of business.

Action starts with you..and me... Together we can change this situation....back to a pleasant more fruitful future.

Today is friday the 13th.
I am sitting at my cubicle working intermittently on whatever sales order or call comes across my desk.
As the time slowly creeps by I keep wondering when Jason Vorhees is going to come and attack. There have been mathematically 1.8 friday the 13ths per year so I have survived 57.6 of them in my life.
I figure that he must have some bigger fish to fry or maybe he isn't real like a truthful senator or Kwanza.

Namesake and outlook

Hello,
My name is Heath Sutherland AKA BigNasticus and with this post I shall christen the maiden voyage of forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit" or "Perhaps, someday it will be enjoyable to remember even this." if you need it in non-latin.

This blog is intended as a pressure release of sorts. Hopefully this one will work better than the pressure relief valves on the Gulf Coast.